Let's Give a Warm "Thank You" to the Fed...

Let's Give a Warm "Thank You" to the Fed...

Thank you, Federal Reserve.

Thank you for your fine job in overseeing the mortgage market. Your decision to let banks issue interest-only loans for the first time since before the Great Depression was an extremely smart move indeed.

Because of you, homeownership rates in America soared to record levels. But that's not the only thing you boosted. You turbo-charged housing prices so that few in California, New York, and Florida could afford them.

But it's OK, because those who can't afford them are sure to easily find a no-documentation, interest-only loan with low teaser rates from their local subprime lender. Oh wait, they're all going bankrupt. So back to the things you boosted.

You boosted inflation levels to record highs, as builders needed more cement, wood, and Ford and GM trucks to get the job done. And now that these trucks aren't needed anymore, you can be positive that Ford and GM will easily readjust by laying off workers and downsizing.

Thanks to you, my sweetest Federal Reserve, Florida has found fame once again. This time, it's not the botched presidential election that's put them on the map; instead, it's the highest foreclosure rates in the country.

I always knew that the best thing to ever happen to the U.S. economy came in 1913, when you (the Federal Reserve, that is) came into existence.

I kind of figured President Woodrow Wilson was just being shortsighted when he said this:

"I am a most unhappy man. I have unwittingly ruined my country. A great industrial nation is controlled by its system of credit. Our system of credit is concentrated. The growth of the nation, therefore, and all our activities are in the hands of a few men. We have come to be one of the worst ruled, one of the most completely controlled and dominated Governments in the civilized world no longer a Government by free opinion, no longer a Government by conviction and the vote of the majority, but a Government by the opinion and duress of a small group of dominant men."

How could he not understand that all of this oversight, protection, and stability you would eventually provide would surely take the economy to heights never before seen? The last time I checked, the liquidity-fueled Dow Jones recently hit new highs.

Granted, there have been some bumps in the road.

We had to go through the Great Depression, the stagflation spell of the late 70s, the banking meltdown of 1987, and the Internet bubble of 2000, followed by the housing bubble that just popped last year. But I know you can't be perfect. You learn from your mistakes and go on to learn from new ones that destroy the livelihood of millions of people.

Sure, the worth of the paper I've got in my pocket has dropped about 36 percent since 1999, but who's paying attention anyway? They're all busy worrying if Sanjaya will get kicked off next week's American Idol.

And it's not like they should worry about how you protect our economy. You've got our best interest at hand. Of course you realize that all fiat currencies fail at one point or another, but you like to keep our focus away from that. After all, if everyone realized that, it would bring about an instant end to our Fiat currency regime. And we simply can't have that. There's too much money to be made.

So Federal Reserve, I thank you. And may I hope for another 10 years of stability before we all have to flee the country and move to China.